harebrained

It was me. How I felt. Every word. If you don't believe it, okay. But you at least need to get it through your head.

It's all over.

You're the anti-Christ.

I. Hate. You. (and all that you've done to fuck up my life)

This is the last I'm even going to bother mentioning it, so go away.

(for real this time.)

i'mmmmmm wasted



:0

meet stanley:

My birthday was on Friday (as I've mentioned before). So I thought that Lyssa and I would spend the day in Madison...I would get a new phone, and it would be an overall good day. I was wrong.

When we were on the interstate my car started acting really funny. It wasn't accelerating right at first -- and then finally the engine itself decided to shut down. It actually did that twice, but the second time I couldn't restart it. So we were stranded. We found a ride back but then I had to spend a nice $150 on getting my car towed back. I thought insurance would reimburse me for that, but apparently there's only coverage on my parent's cars. I'm not too worried about that money, but rather, the money I may have to pay to get my car back into working order (as of now he sits dead and lonely in the parking lot at our apartment) I have someone coming to look at it and hopefully its not something major...:/

After that stressful happening, I decided to obviously just stay in town and the rest of the day went better. I did get my nice new iPhone and some other cool presents from Lyss. The day could have went better, but it also could have been worse.

Trying to go to school is a pain in the ass.

Here's my issues:
1. The advisers at University of Wisconsin Milwaukee (at least in the department I'm majoring in) are hard to get a hold of. And when I do, they're not prepared to really advise me. Meaning, they don't study my file ahead of time (even though I call ahead of time and schedule an appointment). I never had this problem at UW Rock. But, of course, I mostly advised myself. Because when I did go to advisers, they sent me to crappy classes I didn't like and ended up dropping. Anyway, the point is advisers usually suck.

2. My financial aid is fucked. Technically, going by the number credits I've acquired, I'm only a "sophomore". even though I've been in school for over two years. This may be because someone didn't send in my AP credit. So my adviser explained to me that this is why the loan I was awarded isn't enough. Wtf? I'm borrowing money that will put my future into a big minus, and they don't give me enough? so now I have to go even more hoops just to have enough to pay for f'ing school. They base your fafsa on going to school "full time" but then I can only get enough loans to cover "part time". needless to say...ugggggggh.

I guess those are my only issues (with Uwm/federal government) so far.


I started my astronomy class and I like it. its kind of long, but thats because they pack a semester's worth of stuff into 7 weeks.

Lyssa and I are going to noah's ark wednesday :) And then my birthday is friday and new phone! I'm going to get an iphone, I hope.

Other than that, no news. I'm going to go wake up my lady from her slumber.

i turn 20 in a week.

going to noah's ark next wednesday. madison friday. i want to do all these things, but i'm worried i won't have money for them all.

i want a new job. how long have i been saying that?

getting my fall schedule together is a pain in the ass.

i'm rather uninteresting.

Lyssa got me an awesome camera for my birthday. maybe i'll just start updating in pictures.

I'm finally taking hold of my life.

shut the fuck up.


that is all.

Sometimes I have this longing to have a more "meaningful" life, or be something more remarkable.  I don't know why I think like this.  My ordinary life is not so ordinary to the people around me.  I feel like a different person every day.  Some days I wake up pessimistic and dreading anything and everything that comes along and then other days I feel excited about life and I can't wait to see what's next.  Sometimes I just blame it on mood swings or what is happening that day, but I know there has to be something more to answer that riddle.  

Anyways, I love animals more than humans and my attention span is getting smaller every day. 

( Kittens:) )

Yesterday Lyssa and I went to her little sister's conformation.  Church.   i don't like church.  as her dad put it "I don't want to sit there and listen to them tell me i'm such a horrible person [sinner]"  Pretty much felt uncomfortable the whole time.  but it made her mom happy.  And we got free lunch.  

and thennn...we came home to talula [our cat] and she had babies.  they are adorable.  it was her and our orange cat so they are a perfect mix -- one looks exactly like her, one that looks like him, then one that looks like a mixture of the two.  i'll have pictures up later :)  i feel like a bad pet owner because i kept putting off getting them fixed (i'm a bad procrastinator and lazy with money) but no worries, we've found good homes for all the kits.  it'll be fun to have them around in the meantime. 

and now i'm trying to get motivation to write my last paper for the semester.  and also, pricing books online in comparison to what the book store will give me. 

summer to do list:
-start a book list on LJ, read as much as possible
-go to at least one baseball game (really want to go to a white sox game, for sure going to a brewer game)
-two words: noah's ark
-organize my stuff!!!!! (if you know me well, you know this is pretty much impossible :P)
-possible road trip?
-see the folks new city....wherever they end up (which means seeing the pups...ernie:))
-hopefully see aidan before he moves to NY
-get an iphone
-bike bike bike

here's to having an awesome summer. . . even though i'm taking a summer class.  :)

right now i should be working on a project for psych.  but i feel so...angry towards it.  that may seem weird but i'm just so not motivated.  i'm actually the anti-motivated..i'm angry that i even have to do it. 

i'd rather be lazy, do what i want, and just...not. 

maybe this is my way of saying i'm sick of school, but i only have a 3 week interim.  why did i take a summer class, why?  why can't i care more about my future?  because i think it's all bullshit -- we have to earn our right to live a good life...when people cheat, lie, do horrible things just to "live the dream".  bullshit, bullshit. 

well, now i have to go continue my life of bullshit. 

has anyone ever gotten a refurbished electronic?  i've been checking out iphones, and i'm considering getting a refurb...any horror stories or anything out there?

ughhhh i suck at updating.  yeah, pretty much. 

lets see...
i'm supposed to be writing a philosophy paper right now. 
i applied to uw-milwaukee for their online program. 
i can hear my pug snoring a level below me.

i always feel like i'm running out of time. 

i want to learn how to meditate. 

Okay so remember me saying my gmail got hacked?  well i FINALLY got back into it and this is what i found:
some person (or virus) was trying to use my account on ebay (which they also hacked) to buy really expensive crap.  wtf??  bitches.  thankfully, my debit card information was expired and they couldn't steal any of my money.  they tried to buy an 80gb ipod...yeah.  ridiculous.  now i don't trust anything online pretty much...hah.  i took off all my information out of that email and i deleted my ebay account until i feel like i need to use it again i guess.....


and i need caffeine.  i hate mornings.

i got this on facebook and i didn't feel like doing it there but here



( 100 truths )

it really bothers me when people type extremely loud.  i'm in the school's computer lab right now. 
things that suck:
1. the network @ school won't connect to my albert (macbook)
2. i can't find my mp3 player for the life of me (i think it either a. got stolen or b. i'm dumb and lost it and c.  people are f'ing annoying.asdlfjaljsflj.)

things that don't suck:
1.  it's april.  my favorite month<3
2.  my parents are moving closer, which means i'll see them more often:)
3.  after a week of vacation, i'm actually happy to be back at work...sitting at home is borinngggg. 

now i must go do a stupid assignment that's due at 1 that i haven't started 0.o oh procrastination...

why do i let myself be so isolated?  i try to blame it on others, but of course it's my fault.  whenever i go to call someone or get in touch i just get all these nerves and end up not doing it at all.  i miss the friendships i used to have with people.  now i feel so distant and i have no one to blame but myself.  sure, part of the reason is distance in miles, but now i feel like i'm incapable of even making friends.  i don't talk to anyone.  i don't make an effort.  so whats wrong with me?  one of my friends recently told me i'm like "an old married person"  am i?  is that so bad?  and my girlfriend's rebuttal: "is it so bad to have a stable life?"  this of course is referring to the fact that the friend jumps from person to person and drug to drug and doesn't seem to ever want to settle down. 

so..i feel like i'm letting life pass me by because i'm so afraid to put myself out there and also that i just plain suck at socializing, etc.

whine, whine, whine.  that's all i come here to do.

i don't know how people post so much.  whenever i come here to write anything i always come up blank.  i guess i could write about day to day but it gets so boring for me, quick. 

i'm on vacation right now.  not like a go someplace vacation, but a i'm off of work and school one.  all i've done really is sleep a lot and watch movies and read.  pretty boring.  i've wanted to finish unpacking and that kind of stuff but the motivation has yet to come.  i can't find my mp3 player and that makes me sad. 

my friends from high school are still full of drama.  my life is rarely full of drama.  probably because i don't involve myself with anyone that isn't furry. 

i can't come up with a new alias on gmail.  i really don't like yahoo much and i want to go back to gmail even though someone hacked my old one...yet i can't come up with anything.  i wanted to just do my name but that's so....standard.  i want something that is about me, but isn't so obvious.  i'm so weird that i can't just pick a name and be done.  it takes me forever to pick these types of things.  i didn't even pick my lj name (thanks aidan) but every time i go to make a new one i decide to just keep this one because it holds so much of me. 



also, i've been changing my mind a lot lately too.  i've been wanting to do my paper journal again for some time but i can never just keep with one book.  it used to be a composition book, then a sketchbook and now i want a hard covered book to write in.  if anyone were to find the archives of my life in future years they'd have a hell of a time putting it all together. 


see, i'm all over the place. 

oh, yeah.  i need to take a summer class to get my associate's but it's a 4 credit class at 182 dollars a credit.  you do the math.  can't get a student loan.  i could do another type of loan but i don't really want to.  i'm about to go into more debt and i don't really want to.  but i also don't want to have a sucky job the rest of my life.  "i'm surprised you're doing a computers major with so many humanities classes...." 

you're way too beautiful when you sleep.